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Click here for baby photos ... Beth's FB album.
Beth and I were two steps from being out the door to run this morning when the phone rang. Jessica the charge nurse at the Heartline Hospital told us that she had a lady in labor. We scratched our run and headed for the truck to go pick her up and bring her to the Women's Center. Mom Sandra labored beautifully all morning and gave birth to a gorgeous little girl that she named Nahela at about 2:40 this afternoon. Just as Mom was finished delivering the placenta and we were getting ready to bathe baby, they told us a lady having contractions was at the gate.

SO, tonight could be a long night as we pray and help Mom Jenes and hopefully welcome another perfectly healthy baby into the world. Beth took some photos and so did I --- I will try to add in a link to them or add them to this post later on tonight when we get some down time between the contractions and action.

Those of us here on 1-12-2010 feel an incredible bond with each other due to our common experience and with the groups that we worked with in those first insanely challenging three weeks post-earthquake. It really has been a wild ride filled with such highs and lows. I can only speak for myself when I say that a lot of the time I felt like God had transformed me into someone so much stronger than myself and I felt His arms around the work being done. We did things we would have been afraid to do and I know that it was His power that allowed for that. I am amazed by all of it.

Joanna Howard is one of the people I've written about before. She and I and Vivien and Joanna Thiele were together the hours leading up to the earthquake. The four of us were at Women's Program that Tuesday afternoon and went grocery shopping together. It was not too long after we were done shopping that the ground shook. Joanna put together her story of January 12 and the three weeks following the EQ and shares a little bit of what we all saw and experienced. Many volunteers are pictured in this presentation, and many are not ... but each person was strengthened by God to do what needed to be done. For that we give Him thanks.



Baby photos and more later ...

I wish I knew how to explain the insane number of "tent cities" there are popping up all over Port au Prince and surrounding areas. Everywhere you turn there is another large area of tents packed wall to wall. Some areas have all matching tents, you can sort of tell that the distribution happened all at once because everyone has blue or everyone has white or everyone has the same usaid tarps. On the edge of these little cities the people who did not get a tent or a nice tarp have made little make-shift tents with sheets and sticks and thin plastic bags. It is completely mind-numbing to think about these people in this housing during rainy season. I don't know how they can possibly live like this.

I enjoyed going on the truck this morning. We went to Simon Pele and did dressing changes. I was pretty much in charge of taking off the old dressings - saying some stuff in Kreyol - and -nothing more. It was so encouraging to see the healing that has happened. Many faces and names were familiar from late January and early February and their wounds looked amazing, all things considered.

In the afternoon we went out to Double Harvest with our X-ray patients. The truck was FULL of X-ray follow ups - eight total. They have a "hop - ital" out there :) with some pretty great people volunteering. They are doing surgeries and currently have an Orthopedic specialist. Plus, they run it just like a regular hospital with an "s" ... which makes it even better. ;)

Again, most reports were of great healing. Berlancia (photographed) even got her cast off and can walk again.

The photos in order are of wound care in the back of the truck, tent cities on the ride to Croix de Boquet (all different ones in a close proximity), people and sights along the way, and some of the Heartline patients.

Tuesday I'm spending the entire day with Beth - we're running and have Women's program and MIGHT get to go with John to order the ambulance that we raised money for when we ran that marathon - which now seems like thirty years ago. (If you want to read more about it go to this blog.)

Mostly, I am trying not to go all cry-baby about the coming goodbyes. I hope Beth cooperates with that plan.

Today Troy helped lead worship at Church Under the Bridge (a very big gift to him right now and an awesome privilege) and took Noah to a Baylor Baseball game. I spoke to him briefly but was struggling to drive and talk and then Troy (formerly had a warrant-out-for-his-arrest-in-Texas-guy) had a cop coming up behind him and was in the same situation -so that brought our conversation to a quick end.

I got up at an ungodly hour to run this morning and then went up the hill to church. I missed my family all more today going to Port au Prince Fellowship without them. It was good to go and pray and cry and sing and hug some friends. The weather is VERY odd right now. We were cold at church. Those who have attended PAPF know that usually it is disgustingly hot and sticky and you leave with your neighbors B.O. rubbed all over you. It has been chillier than I can ever recall it being except maybe in January a time or two. It is too cold for people in tents without blankets.

After an awesome power-nap, late this afternoon Jen and I got out for a bit together and went to see some areas of town that we used to go to often. I think the Caribbean Market was the most shocking thing. Seeing photos is so different than seeing the real thing. We've been so busy down in Tabarre that we had not been up the hill to Petionville yet. So crazy and sad.

I am hoping to make the most of the last three days here. I am allowed to join the truck crew tomorrow as they go into the worst areas of town and do patient care on the streets in the slums. I have not taken up valuable space prior to this because there have always been so many really great medical people and it would have been silly for me to be on the truck. Tomorrow I will get to see some of what they've been doing these past seven weeks and act as a (crappier variety) translator. I am hoping to find Jean (remember him?) and bring him back in to the hospital. We want to use Tuesday as a test day with a prosthetic group near the Embassy and we want to bring Jean to them first. I am excited and hopeful that we'll find him tomorrow.

I am so thankful to be here - I am consciously living in this moment.

Love this song:


Also love this post Britt (our oldest daughter) wrote today:
"Conviction"

Earlier this afternoon, I brought Isaac, Hope, Phoebe, & Lydia over to play at my house while Noah went to the baseball game with Daddy for his birthday date. We were playing Phase Ten at the table when we heard sirens. One of Waco's fire stations is only about 10 blocks from here, so I didn't really think much of it .... until we realized that the sirens were getting closer.

The sirens were coming from an ambulance and shortly after, a fire truck, & several squad cars. They parked in front of our house and ran into the neighbor's house (two-doors down). I was pretty surprised and like any curious human being, watched as they ran in & wondered what might be up. The kids witnessed it too & in hopes of making them less nervous & out of true concern, I said that we should pray over the situation. I prayed a prayer of protection and guidance for the emergency responders & police officers, and towards the end of my prayer I said something like "and Lord, if these people don't know you, I pray for some divine intercession that they might know you. Amen."

Isaac was quiet for a moment and then he said this:

"Why wouldn't they know Jesus - they're *your* neighbor."

Wow. Or maybe, Ouch? That really got me thinking.

I am a possibly overly-private person ... so maybe most people close to me wouldn't know this, but I do really struggle with feelings of purpose and why the here & now feels so meaningless at times. The fact is I loved what I was privileged to experience in Haiti during my last years before moving to college. Loved! Daily, I felt like I could touch someone just by chatting with them in their language or putting a band-aid on a school kids' scraped knee. I also loved the fulfillment I felt from being a big sister; we talked a lot about identity in our premarital counseling & that is something that came up frequently for me.

Now I am involved in academia and part-time work at very "American" places (I've worked most of the past two years in the restaurant industry - totally going against my grain) My experience at Baylor has been muddled with good and bad, like most people's college experiences. But the bad feels so much worse for me, because of the affluent culture that defines Baylor & the vast opposites I came to know living in Haiti. I know that my "here & now" is only temporary and a necessary process to become trained for how I believe God will use me through my future career in the medical field.

I've heard it once, I've heard it one-hundred times: "Bloom where He plants you." Or: "the mission field is as close as your backyard." I don't know what this looks like for me here in Waco and at Baylor as I finish up my degree from now until December. But I think I ought to start praying daily for that purpose to be revealed to me. Or for God to put me in places where I might bring him glory in the pursuit of the kingdom in Waco & Baylor.

The neighbor died. I had only met the wife once before, but an older man & woman live there with their teenage grandson. I don't know if he knew Jesus. But I do know that through the conviction of my sweet, wise 8yo brother that I will begin to ask God to help me show His love to my neighbors on Parrott Avenue.

I knew for certain from the day we got to the Texas home that I needed to come back to my Haiti home to reconcile a few things and try to get myself right in the head. (No easy or short task for the hard-headed.) Troy must have known it too or he would not have signed up for two weeks as a single dad of six. It was important for me to come back home. I am thankful Troy knows me so well.

Home is everywhere and home is nowhere.

Being "home" has been good. I have so loved the past ten days and have been quite thankful to be here. John McHoul always says what a privilege it is to live here ... In the past I sometimes wondered if I agreed with him on that ... But I think I finally get it in a real way. I feel it. I know it to be true. It is an incredible privilege.

Haiti does not need me - or my family. We're lucky to live and serve and learn here - and more than anything that has been where the blessings have been found - in the learning and in the experiences and that is why we long to be here. I don't think any of us inflate our importance, we just know that God has worked on us - and - in us - so much these last four years. We love this country and we love our friends here and we love waking up to a new adventure each morning.

I spent those three weeks in Texas fighting hard against being there. I made a lot of people a bit miserable by being miserable myself. It felt like three years to me - I bet I made it feel even longer to my family. :(

I think coming back to Haiti has helped me realize that living in this tension is part of what it feels like to always long for something more, something like Heaven.

I was reading a blog someone linked me to and I agreed with much of what was written.You can read what Eugene Chu said in a recent post, "maybe it is not supposed to feel right."

When I go back to Texas to join my family on Thursday I am going to try to turn over a new leaf.

While I cannot completely remove the tension I feel surrounding all of this stuff - the fact is, I cannot change this situation.. Until Phoebe has U.S. Citizenship we need to be in the U.S. - and our family needs to stay together whenever possible. I think Troy and I thought we could just pass the baton off and take turns - wave to each other in the sky or something - but we did not think that through. We need each other and we need to stay together as often as we can. After-all, raising our children is a very large part of what God has called us to do.

When we first got to the U.S. having fun felt very wrong ... I kept thinking how unfair it is that I get to have fun, that I get to have a cushy life, that I get to have so many choices. I'd be lying if I said I can just turn off those thoughts ... but I do need to find a way to just "be" and accept the way things are with more grace. (I'll start by just trying not to be mad all the time.)

For whatever reason we're being given this "break" from our Haiti life. I can choose to fight it every day (like I did for 3 weeks) or I can let that go and try to have some fun and enjoy the rare and unusual treats of time with family and friends, a park, a restaurant, and a date night. I should soak up my kids and their utter joy over all the new and special things they can do in America and not just let it pass me by while I am busy being sad/mad/unsettled/confused.

The unknowns are hard. Paige has said "Mom and Dad - I count on you to have a plan and when you don't have one, I feel scared." I understand that. I feel scared too. I am so proud of Paige and the way she is healing and growing ... I think we are all learning to trust God in the unknown.

Haiti will be here when it is time to return. If that is six more weeks or six more months (we have no idea how long the process for Phoebe will take) I am going to try to be present in the place God has me. Moping around is not helping my kids and it is not helping my husband and it is certainly not helping me. My friends that I leave behind will know I love them even if I am not constantly sad and sulking.
My Uncle wrote me this note earlier this week, I am saving it to read a few times each day in the coming weeks -

"Tara- Glad you are starting over. And incidentally, “fighting this” isn’t just going to make you miserable, you will be contagious because everybody loves you and they only want you happy and healthy. Yeah… have your grief, have your anger, have all the ugliness, disillusionment, cynicism, etc. Have it until you and everybody around you is sick of it, and then give it to Jesus. He will take it so you can go on and bloom wherever you are planted for this season. End of sermonette. -R."

I don't want to become toxic to the people that love me. Home is everywhere and home is nowhere... but most importantly - wherever I am, God loves me and wants me to trust Him as best I can and love Him with my whole heart.

I'll keep working at that.

tara

Please pray for Rosemon and Ramone - two boys with giant smiles and even bigger personalities.

These two boys are both at the Heartline Hospital healing from earthquake injuries. They are 14 and 10 years old. They come from different parts of town and would probably never have crossed paths ... but now they have some things in common.

They have experienced unimaginable loss and injury and also beautiful healing and grace. We pray that they continue to heal and feel love, and that the Lord would provide for the needs of their families in unexpected ways.

The "That's Different" Things About Today ...

• Taking one hour to drive three miles
• Getting stuck in traffic behind a cart transporting mattresses
• Hospitals located on Tennis Courts
• Tarps are a hot ticket item, worth fighting over
  
• Flat tire
  
• Watching my family sing to my birthday boy on video - missing being with them
  
• Listening to Jen say smart medical things off the top of her head that sound like jibberish to me and wondering how a person can possibly hold that much in their brain
• Watching a giant tent structure be created out of PVC pipe and tarps - for our patients
  
• Cloudy and cool all day long - rain during the day

Noah Matthew is SIX today. I realized that I have missed one of Lydia's birthdays, one of Phoebe's (gone for both of their 2nd birthdays). And now Noah's.

I have NEVER missed Britt, Paige, Isaac or Hope's.

I think this goes to prove that as you parent more and more children, you start to slack off. A lot.

NOAH - Happy Birthday big boy. You FINALLY got to have an "America Birthday" - it was about time! I love you. I miss you so very much. I hope that Dad and your siblings make today really fun for you and I hope you will be okay with having TWO celebrations because I want to celebrate with you too when I get back next week. You are a gift to me. I love your wild and ornery side and I love your cuddly hugging side - you are a good little man Noah and you make my life better, happier, and much more fun.
XOXO -
Mom

(Click on Noah's photo on the left side of the blog to read about the day he entered the world and his flare for drama.)

Too tired to string together coherent sentences.

• Rain. Mud. Sad for people in tents and under tarps.
• Learned that there is such a thing as a "sterile wash down area" for US Military cars. I drove into a "sterile wash down area" with mud on my tires and got a reprimand for it. I don't think I get it. Military people, please explain. I am totally perplexed.
  
• Prenatal program today was pretty wild ... 32 women - finally closed the door when the room got full - of those only 3 were already in our program prior to EQ - we have a lot of hard decisions to make about all of that and how to move forward. We want to have a small very high quality program. The EQ changed a lot of things but we don't want to change the quality of care offered. We're not Doctors Without Borders, we're a tiny maternity center ... and we like to know the ladies we deliver and have a good grasp on their health history and even personality. Right now we're in "response" mode and have not figured out how to reign things in yet. Have 6 ladies from today due in the next two weeks.
  
• Hung out and people watched at airport while waiting to pick up my people.
• Drove and Drove and Drove some more.

A few hours after asking around yesterday, I got an email from MAF that they could fly Miss Margaret to Jeremie for us today. The expense was small considering it was the only way to give her exactly what she wanted, a dying wish so to speak. We learned from the HIV clinic that she needed C4 counts and a TB test before they could begin to help her and they felt that that might be an awful lot of testing only to find out there is not that much they can do for her at this stage. We sort of talked it through and determined with her son that getting her home to the city of her birth was the priority over sitting in offices waiting on tests and Doctors when she is so very near the end. This morning we took off around 10am to head west. John and I had the privilege of escorting Miss Margaret home to Jeremie today. Her son loved the flight. She is very exhausted, and on pain meds and slept through it, the poor baby. We landed, allowed them time to find a ride, and took off to head home to PAP. Out of all of my interactions with them today was the only time I saw her perk up a bit. We were walking into the little airport and I asked her if she knew where we were going? She relied "Yes, I am going to the place I was born." She was more than ready to return home. I can understand why the Ferry would not take her, that is a looong ride and would have been very hard on her. Instead, she got home in one hour flat. Thanks to all who prayed about this and to God for provision through MAF. Today's photos are below ...

John's ginormous head almost did not fit into the airplane ... we pushed down on the sides of his head and were finally able to get the door to close.In the plane, Garyson and Margaret - ready to take off.
The tent cities are overwhelmingly sad and sprawling and everywhere you look ... this one is right at the end of the airport road the bottom of this photo does not show it but that would be where the "Three Hands" monument is located. Turning left after the triangular white and blue tent city would get you to the PAP airport.
Tent Cities everywhere ...
More tent cities ... PAP
Jeremie from the air ...

WELCOME HOME MARGARET!

After we got back from Jeremie the clinic was very busy. Jen and Jess and the shorter term Heartline Staff had a crazy day. The night shift and a few others delivered this baby at 4am. His name is Jonathan and he is a beauty. He's doing well. His Mama needed a lot of help afterward due to a pretty big tear during delivery.




There is another Mama in labor right now. We're all hoping to get some sleep before the time comes to head over to the hospital ... hopefully she'll wait until at least 4 or 5am. She is the third baby in two days again. Hoping for a little baby break for the sanity of all sleep deprived medical professionals.

Thursday has way more to be done than can ever happen ... but we are just going to wake up and go for it and see what happens. Jen has to be like four places at once, I have to be at two or three, there are people coming in and people going out and who knows if there are enough vehicles and drivers to get it all done. I did less driving today but will be back at it again tomorrow. My left leg (clutch) is getting disturbingly strong driving the traffic packed hills of PAP. The upside, I get to have air conditioning a portion of the day. It is marvelous, because the heat and humidity are back to stay this time.

If John writes about today, you'l find it on the Heartline blog.

Tara